The first shrink we went to after my wife found out about my acting out (and had decided to divorce me) said to us: "you do not really have a marriage problem here. Well, maybe you do, but overshadowing the entire thing is another problem: Your husband is a very sick man." Boy I didn't like that. But it saved our marriage. And P.S., he didn't believe in the 12 steps at all and told me so when I asked him about them a few months later! I had to find them on my own, after seeing that I was only getting worse and worse under his "care" and finally hit bottom almost a year later.