In our group call, we discussed how literally our entire approach to life, our perspectives and our responses, have got to be thoroughly re-examined. In the Big Book, Dr. Silkworth tells us that we need a "psychic change" to a magnitude above and beyond our "human power". Only a "Higher Power" can help us. And without a "new design for living", our chances of recovery are low.
Underlying our addiction is our "R estlessness, I rritability and D iscontent" - which we will refer to as "R.I.D." from now on. We are working on getting rid or our R.I.D.
We were also introduced (in yesterday's call) to the vicious cycle of R.I.D:
~> Acting Out
~> Regret and Shame
~> Resolution to Quit.
Unfortunately, "Life" comes in the way and sends us on this cycle again and again and again....
Here is one thought provoking comment from our "Ship's Crew" (sent to Duvid Chaim after yesterday's call):
I really identify with what you said, since, before my most recent fall, I had been clean by the rules for over 200 days. I think the 90 day and beyond efforts are an important part of the process, but I am finally beginning to understand the need for what we are trying to do in this group.
As I said, I was clean by the rules. But the issue is, that I have a virtual library of images, stories, and experiences (going back to before I got married) at my beck and call, in that gray matter between my ears. I find myself in need of an "entire psychic change." I do not believe that any change in my life will last without that more fundamental inner change.
The whole issue with lust being our "drug of choice" is also resonating with me. In past battles against my sexaholism, I've always wondered how it could be that I was able to act out even when I had the flu. Even when I could barely get out of bed, somehow I would find the energy to act out. Looking at my acting out - my lust - as my "drug of choice" though, explains where the energy came from.