Shalom,
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has put this site together and all its contributing members!!!! For most of my life I have been dealing with these issues alone (over 20 years). Even though the greater portion of my life I did not know that I was Jewish or understand Torah, and within the society of a young man outside the tents of Torah many things are generally acceptable; I still knew it was wrong.
I have been arguing with this y'h' and trying to outsmart him for at least 10 years. I am so exhausted and melancholy that I find writing this and expressing myself to be a challenge.
Today is the 7th day clean for me, and for the most part I have completely avoided speaking to my friend the y'h'.
During 10 plus years of battle on a near daily basis (3650 days) I have tried hundreds of strategies, if not thousands.I am of the opinion that all of them are worthless, for the most part! You can't outsmart the Yetzer Hara, you can't even talk to him or you lose. You have to turn the battle over to Hashem and be completely dependent and attached to Him at every single moment.
Ditto, EsaEinai - The trick is, learning how to do that after having lived for many years "controlling" our pleasure feelings with schmutz, fantasy, and masturbation basically on demand, and having a relationship with Hashem that is so twisted that we usually come to think that all He really cares about is my struggle with the Yetzer Hara.
After having been sober for a while, it dawned on me that I was not really living while in addiction - just faking it real well.
I was taught that if I really want to be successful at turning the struggle over to Hashem, as you beautifully recommend, I also had to do my best to turn the rest of my life over to Him, too. Sounds like a tall order, but SA (12 steps in a chevra) kept that rather simple.
BTW, my experience tells me that the reason it doesn't work at all as long as I focus on personal change in this area alone, is not because Hashem is mean or punishes me, rather, it is because as long as I held fast onto the idea that "I was A-OK - except for this embarrassing problem" - I was never really open for Hashem's help at all. Having temporary tidal waves of sincere teshuva is just plain silly. It never got me anywhere - I was back to the races the next day, week, month.... and all the advice for how to "make a kinyan in it" from well-meaning 'normal' folks, just made me feel more guilty when I failed at them. In other words, they were worse than useless to me.
I had to come to see that my priorities in life were screwed up (for example, the ridiculous belief in my heart that sof davar, the only proof that my wife (or any woman) really accepts and loves me, is the offering of sex) [by living steps 1&2].
Soon I found that I could actually start learning how to trust Hashem to really help me with my life (my real life, like learning and davening, school, the job, marriage, family, childrearing and other relationships, the lottery - just slipped that one in, sorry) [by living steps 2&3].
I started slowly learning how to honestly devote myself to caring about what Hashem wants (ie, what is good) more than about what I want [steps 2,3 and all the rest].
And life has slowly, shockingly, become great.
All these gifts just from being an addict. Not a bad deal.