ChaimYakov says:
"I did ask this question in person no less than 4 times to 4 different Rabbanim.
The answers I got in order were:
1) You need to get married
2) You need to get rid of the Iternet
3) You need to talk to your Rav about this
4) You probably won't be able to stop
Anybody who wants to know why none of the answers above work, let me know and I will gladly elaborate.
Dov in response...
The answers I got in person were: 1- you really need to learn Tanya (guess who told me that); (~1988) 2- it's not really that bad, others guys do this, too (~1986) 3- you need to explain to your wife to have more and more varied sex with you (from an older chassidish rov); (~1990) 4- you probably need to get to a shrink fast or to a group of men in therapy (~1991) 5- you are seriously ill and need professional help right now (~1995) Of course, as things got worse as the years went on and I got more desperate for the help - but always hiding behind 'religious' or 'marriage' concerns - I was progressively open about what I really do when I act out. Also, my problem started off as sex with myself (masturbation) and porn in late 80s and early 90's and quickly progressed to much worse stuff after i got married. Much worse. Marriage proved to me that sex with my wife could not possibly solve my problem and I became frantic. More sexual obsession and acting out...with honest, temimusdikeh desperation. Boruch Hashem for the last two men, especially for the last one. Not that I followed his advice of course!...but about two years later I was ready, and got help by really spilling all the beans in detail to a good shrink (who was a recovering alkie herself), and she gave me a card with an SA contact guy. He became my sponsor and has been it ever since, b"H. That saved my life and continues to be the reason I am still alive today and have a great (but not perfect marriage, family, and avodas Hashem (life). My wife has told me that the day I got sober was by far a better day in her lifetime than the day we got married. And she does not mean it as an insult. (If she did, it would be pretty funny, but she didn't....)