The 12 steps IS THE TORAH APPROACH. What you are doing IS NOT THE TORAH APPROACH because it is making you act out! No one looks at shmutz and is mz"l and just whines about it like a little girl for years "al pi Toirah". That is idiotic.
For the past 15-20 years you admit you have been practicing making up all kinds of silly excuses for why you cannot 'make it'. And you are doing al pi Toirah?
As far as I can see it, the steps are principles of Derech Eretz. Simple honesty - how can they be 'against' Torah? Nobody in the steps is trying to convince you of anything! If you believe you have the ability to stop, then you do not consider yourself powerless. Period. So you cannot do even the first step, because as yet, you do not need it! Period. So? What is wrong with that? You think I will say to you "you are fooling yourself and you really are an addict and cannot stop"? Chas veSholom!
Nobody really sober in AA/SA will try to convince you that you are sick! How can they? It's only and forever up to you, or it won't work. And there is no "mitzvah" to "believe" that you are powerless, even in AA/SA! If you consider that the truth, then fine, if not, fine!
So all the anti-step-arguing 'al pi Torah' is nonsense, as far as I am concerned. For a real addict, it has no more to do with Torah than does arguing about the air - if you want to breathe it, then fine. If not, have a nice (short) day. And for a non-addict, what is there to argue about in the first place?
So please stop calling yourself or anything you believe in about this problem "al pi Torah", OK? It's not. Not the steps and not whatever you are doing about it (which is just whining). Water and air is not "al pi Torah", and neither is recovery, for an addict. So save your breath.
And you said before that you do not even know what the steps are, so why don't you just be quite and read about them. Then I suggest you judge if your derech of lying to your wife and tricking everyone who 'knows you', watching your precious little shmutz in secret, unzipping your pants when you like, and being mz"l... is more "al pi Torah" than the steps are.
Then get back to me.