The Library

Addiction Research Expert William White examines the data known today and suggests that after 5 years of recovery, things seem to stabilize for most people, requiring a greater force at that time to toss them into relapse. See from his blog below: For years I have b...

As a sexoholic trying to work the program with an SA sponsor to the best of my understanding, I would like to answer a few points the recovering person asked.1) Honesty in our society, especially in the Shuls etc. - The truth is there is lots of dishonesty in society, e...

ADDITIONAL TOOLS FOR RECOVERYIMPROVE RELATION WITH SELFEMERGENCY TOOLS 1. Short prayer, "I'm powerless, please G-d help me!"2. Move somewhere else. (Get away from the trigger!)3. Pick up litter.4. Sing (or hum) a favorite tune. Or listen to music.5. Call someone from the ...

Sometimes, especially in early recovery, we concentrate on our losses instead of our gains. We see a chapter in our life closing, and we mourn. We must leave some friends behind, or say goodbye to a social life we enjoyed. We must give up an active addiction, which had ...

First and foremost it is a sign of humility for the newcomer to prioritize listening over sharing. New members generally know very little about living a healthy, sober life and the only way to learn from the experience of others is to listen to them. It is not appropriat...

The fourth Principle of Responsibility is to stop hiding from ourselves. There can be no recovery when we continue to isolate ourselves and our feelings from the outside world. In addiction, we used our emotions to protect us from reality. We guarded our delusions with ...

Sooner or later every addict stops acting-out; it's just nice to be alive when it happens.

Want a clear answer to these common questions? How can it be that the Torah doesn't provide the answer for me? Why can't I just do Teshuvah, why do I need the 12-Steps? Why do some Rabbanim and therapists discourage the 12-Step program? (Although the vast majori...

The goal of most addicts I know, when they start reaching out for real help, is just to get out of trouble. And the trouble is usually getting caught. So, although we really do want to stop and be clean, we simply do not believe we can live without it - nor do we have any...

Perfectionism has no place in sanity - many people can see that. But then why is it that when we inject the words 'avodas Hashem' into the equation, all of a sudden perfectionism becomes sane? And why is it that so many obviously sick people (who are often addicts no l...

Bottom is the point at which your life is falling apart faster than you can lower your standards

Dear Desperate Yid, here are some ideas I'd like to share with you:1- This 'powerlessness' idea is actually all about taking personal responsibility for one's actions - if the person is an addict. It simply means that we finally recognize that all the good (or not so good...

How does it make sense that recovery does not grow? When I use porn it always progresses, either in intensity or style - the old schmutz eventually stops doing the trick, and I need a bit 'more' to get the job done. When I use porn it always progresses, either in intens...

The "Nuclear Reset Button" idea is about how we unfortunately thrive on that very honest state we do feel after masturbating ourselves, and that no matter how holy we feel in that state, it is all part of the same sick cycle. It suggests further, that since we sincerely c...

Please bear with me and I'll tell you about Captain Kirk in a minute. First, I will share that I have seen dozens of guys who have had the hardest time just saying their right name on a phone call. I have heard the hesitating, quiet voice on the other end of the line fi...

*Twelve Princes* It would not be a bad idea for contemporary descendants of Ishmael -- and for all of us -- to reflect on the individual names of Ishmael's 12 sons, who all became princes and fathers of Ishmaelite nations."These are the names of Ishmael's sons in order...

One of the greatest successes of the 12-Step program is in teaching addicts how to surrender instead of fighting against desires that they feel ‘powerless’ over. But the question often comes up, what does surrender really mean and how is it really different than ‘fighting...

When in doubt, do the next right thing.