How can I gain control of the situation? And, come to think of it, why do I have this problem in the first place?
One of the most important things to know when an improper sight is imposed upon your view is that its grip on you will fade! The sight could trigger an intense reaction in your mind. You might even think, "I can't shake this." Don't allow the force of imagination to rule over you. It is an illusion, a mirage. Remember that your attention to the mental image is the only fuel that keeps it alive. Simply let it pass and it will dissipate and vanish. Like flipping the page of a book, you can switch the focus of your mind. Force your mind to turn that page.
The classic Mussar work , Mesilat Yesharim (Path of the Just) by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzato (Ramchal), tells us that G-d placed us in a physical realm with many things that distract us from coming close to Him. Why would He do that? There are a good many Mussar works that probe that very question, and you may want to look further for a deeper discussion of this topic. The short answer, however, is that G-d put man on this earth as a creature with free choice - bechirah. He wants us to exercise this G-dly trait in order to serve Him with conscious intent, not as robots or angels that must do as they are told. So He gives us choices to make - real choices in the form of challenges.
The very first chapter of Mesilat Yesharim expresses this concept: The purpose of man in this world is to fulfill mitzvot, serve Hashem and withstand tests.
Our mission is to use our power of choice to win the war of kedushah over desire. When you choose to align yourself with kedushah - no matter how many setbacks you've had - you will arrive triumphantly in the World to Come. You will have used your lifetime to come closer to Hashem, the true desire of the soul, and in the process became spiritually fulfilled. In the next world, the dimension after death, that fulfillment takes the form of intense spiritual pleasure, expanding eternally.
Rabbi Luzzato states our lifetime purpose in this way:
Man was only created in order to delight in Hashem and take pleasure from the Divine Presence, which is the true pleasure of all the pleasures that can be found.
His enlightening explanation of the purpose of pleasure in this world is written in lofty terms:
The purpose of pleasures in this world is only to assist a person in having calmness and peace of mind so that he can turn his heart to serve Hashem. It is fitting that everything he does should be dedicated to the Creator.
This may seem like a daunting, unrealistic goal. On an average day, how many of us think of our Creator at all (except when praying), much the less "dedicate everything" we do to Him? Is Mesilat Yesharim intended only for pious tzaddikim?
In actuality, Rabbi Luzzato is inferring that every Jew can aspire to high levels of thought and behavior: our capability for it is programmed into our spiritual DNA. No one can instantly reach this goal. It takes a lifetime. But you should be aware that in spiritual realms, all of your efforts are noted and rewards are tallied. If you think that you are at too low a level - that you don't qualify for Divine notice - consider the following facts that we learn from our Sages.
(1) When you avert your eyes from looking at an improperly dressed woman, you merit "receiving the Shechinah." (Chazal Derech Eretz) This means that the moment you guard your eyes from looking at an improper sight, you receive the Shechinah, even if you do not sense it.
(2) Each time you avoid an improper sight, you are considered a "holy person" and G-d rewards you for performing this mitzvah.
(3) Cutting off an improper thought, even just once, is "the root of all goodness" because it changes the trajectory of your thoughts and actions. (See Day 19.)
(4) According to Taharat HaKodesh, in the World to Come you will see the glorious Shechinah in the merit of averting your eyes even one time. Imagine if you avert your eyes continually!
Today: Draw closer to Hashem - now and forever - by controlling your eyes. Internalize the idea that your soul is benefitting from your restraint, whether or not you sense it.
Today I went to buy flowers for Shabbat - a sweet, simple mitzvah, right? But I was thrown for a loop when the pretty clerk told me that the flowers I chose need special treatment. She started giving me detailed instructions. I was unprepared for this and struggled to listen without staring at her. I focused my eyes on the flowers.
A few weeks ago, I would have considered this experience discouraging because I had to struggle so hard to avert my attention from her. But I guess all of that Mussar study is finally kicking in. I gained control of the situation, remembering that the effort itself draws me closer to Hashem.
When it comes to Shmirat Einayim, I know that I've grown and improved. I don't want recognition for it from anyone. It's between G-d and I. Only we know how hard this is for me and how far I've come.
These e-mails are excerpts taken from the book "Windows of the Soul" by Rabbi Zvi Miller of the Salant Foundation.