I've been trying to control my eyes, but controlling my thoughts is beyond me. Besides, if a thought flashes through my mind, it doesn't mean anything. I can still control my behavior.
"Who is strong? One who subdues his passions." (Avot 4:1)
"A master of his passions is greater than the conqueror of a city." (Mishlei 16:32)
Rabbi Yisrael Salanter commented on these texts with some of the most encouraging words of all time: "Man has the ability to gain mastery over his nature. ...Through Mussar study and force of habit, a person can transform himself." (Ohr Yisrael, Igeret HaMussar)
Imagine being able to transform yourself! Does that sound impossible? Rabbi Salanter tells us that it's possible even in areas that seem beyond our control, such as our thoughts.
Most people are aware that it is inappropriate to have thoughts of desire for any woman, except for one's wife. Why? The basic reason is that improper thoughts defile our spirit and, in turn, cause misdeeds. So cutting off an improper thought is critically important. You may not think it will lead you to an aveirah, but the fact is that a thought is the first step to action. The Mishnah succinctly states, "An aveirah leads to another aveirah, and a mitzvah leads to another mitzvah." (Avot 4:2) From your own experience, you know this is true.
If your mind is full of improper desires, you will have a tendency to repeat that pattern. But if you succeed in conquering your yetzer hara - and just one time shut your eyes from seeing immodest images - it will be progressively easier for you to control your eyes and your thoughts. (Sefer HaChinuch 387 Shelach)
Chazal tell us that a desirous thought for a woman is "worse" than committing the illicit act (Yoma 29a). This means that thoughts of desire for a woman are a greater pleasure for a man than the illicit act, itself. What's more, since a thought is private, it is hard to motivate oneself to do teshuvah (i.e., repent) for it. In contrast, an actual improper action is tangible and (possibly) known, so it serves as a powerful impetus towards teshuvah. So in terms of spiritual regression, the thought is worse.
Let's look at the process more deeply. When a man looks with desire at a woman (who is not permitted to him), it causes spiritual impurity. But if a man cuts off the thought, the process reverses the negative streak and becomes the genesis of four good things:
(1) He protects his mind from tumah.
(2) He stops the inclination to commit an aveirah.
(3) He initiates good thoughts.
(4) He performs more and more good deeds because - as pointed out above - "One mitzvah leads to another mitzvah."
Cutting off the improper thought at its inception is known for this reason as "the root of all goodness." Even if a person is caught in a chain of improper thoughts, he can break the chain by cutting off his thoughts just once. Spiritual levels ascend progressively. The merit of controlling your eyes even one time will empower you to control your thoughts in the future and reach successive levels of kedushah.
Today: Remember that by cutting off improper thoughts just once, you begin a new habit of control.
Even though I'm learning to control my eyes (well, at least I'm trying), my mind still conjures thoughts that I'm not proud of. I'm being totally honest here. It seems to me that this is one war I will never win.
I got up the nerve to ask Rabbi Levy about it. After our class one morning, I told him that these thoughts creep in especially while I'm on my way to work. I'm doing my best, employing all the tactics I've learned not to look at improper sights, but I still see them in my mind's eye.
"Steve, you've got to fight fire with fire," he answered. When he saw my puzzled look, he explained. "A man has to fight the fire in his heart with the fire of Torah."
Then he opened up the Mishnah Berurah to chapter 98:2, where the Chofetz Chaim writes about how to control your thoughts. Rabbi Levy advised, "Here's how to deal with your problem. When you are walking through an immodest area, say to yourself verse 12 of Psalm 51, 'Elokim, create a pure heart within me and renew my spirit.' Whether you say it in Hebrew or in English, just repeating the holy words of King David will uplift your soul. In addition, you'll be cutting off these improper thoughts by substituting words of Torah in your mind."
It seems to me that this technique is more than just diverting my thoughts. Those words are actually a short prayer. If I ask God to help me to keep my thoughts pure, it's a direct request. How could He turn that down?
These e-mails are excerpts taken from the book "Windows of the Soul" by Rabbi Zvi Miller of the Salant Foundation.